Monday, September 19, 2016
Days of our Domestic Dog.....
Dear Kitty,
Today began as any other.
I soothed my humans with my cute demeanor and snuggled with them while
they slept. While it appears that I
enjoy this “snuggly wuggle” time, I use it to regenerate, rest and plan my
day. The stupid humans think I’m just so
cute. Drives me insane. Here I am protecting them and all they can do
is coo and goo at my cuteness. I’ll
admit that I’m quite adorable, but this mission is so below my skill
level. It’s enough to drive me mad.
“yes, yes, I’ll let you rub my belly” ok, perhaps it could
be worse. But… back to the task at
hand. After “snuggle time” I reported to
my post in the small humans room. From
this vantage point I can see most of the neighborhood. Look at the stupid humans. Coming and going as if nothing is wrong. I bark at them to try to get a warning but my
human family gets fussy about all the “yipping”. Imbeciles.
They have no idea how vital my monitoring is to the overall
mission. I take detailed notes:
6:15 Neighbors cat walks to drainage ditch – I’m convinced
he is working or the other side. I know
an agent when I see one. I growl and try
to address him, but he stares and proceeds.
What a joke.
6:18 Neighbor 3 gets in car presumably to go to work. Such robots these humans
6:40 Spend 20 minutes tugging a rope with my brother. He enjoys it so. I would be lying if I didn’t find some
pleasure in this meaningless play.
7:00 the female human leaves for work. I almost manage to escape my confines of the
house, but she is quicker than she looks.
I will attempt escape at a later time.
7:10-9:00 I investigate the backyard for any unusual occurrences. I’ve been monitoring what I fear are spies
that have taken up residence in the old grill.
They have built a nest right outside of the windows and are able to hear
all that goes on in the house. At this
point, I see no imminent danger, but I will continue to monitor closely. Neighbor 1 leaves for work. Again I try in vain to warn him of potential
dangers, but he continues on. Perhaps he doesn’t speak the language of my
people. It’s so frustrating,
I watched closely as the mail truck approached and
departed. Along with several other
deliveries for the neighborhood. I bark
my warning to them, but they seem unoffended.
Nothing new.
One of the humans left a broom in the corner
unattended. I have no other choice but
to bark at it. Someone has to show these
objects who is boss.
The rest of the morning is spent napping in cute
positions. This is a vital part of my disguise. Plus when I lay on my back, my belly is
exposed for rubbing at the human’s pleasure.
After a lunch of what I can only describe as gruel, I take
post in the window again to monitor the neighborhood.
Lots of mowing, walking, driving…. The usual activity of the
drool human existence. Again, the
neighborhood cats torment me. They
freely walk by acting as though they are interested in nothing. I know better. That’s right… pretend to dig
in the flowerbed… continue on…. I’ll just be here watching.
Then I saw it. I’ve
been waiting for this day for so long. I
was just considering a nap, because being adorable is just exhausting, when he
appeared. Disguised as a squirrel. Filthy rats with fluffy tails. Fitting for a traitor like Ivan. He was perched on a small branch just outside
the window. I announced my disgust at
his presence and was promptly “shushed” by my humans. How can they not see this abomination….. I
looked back, and he was gone. UUUGGGHHH!!!!! Missed opportunity.
I make detailed notes of the incident and continue
monitoring the neighborhood.
Soon squirrel. Soon.
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