Diary of a Domesticated Dog,

Hello.  My name is Hank.  You may worship my cuteness as you like. 

Dear Kitty:
This is my first entry of my imprisonment.  I am a multi-faceted special agent, and have been assigned to this human family.  My goal is to blend in with the norm.  However, each day begins another level of hell.  For recording purposes, here is my pertinent information, should I not survive.
Name: Hank
Age: it’s none of your business. 
Aliases (all of which I detest) Hanky, Hanky poop, Puppy, Ratboy, “Damnit Hank”, “No Hank”, da little Man, Hanky Panky (ok that one is ok) black yoda (I don’t know what this is, but it brings great amusement to the female human in my house).
Size: 4.5  10 ok, 12pounds of pure sexy.  Once you go black Chihuahua pup, you never go back baby.
Mission: to protect the suburbia in which I dwell in the most annoying way to my humans as possible.  All while under the disguise of an enduring Chihuahua and miniature Doberman puppy mix, I’m really a spy in deep covert enemy territory.  I’m not at liberty to reveal my employer, but my disguise is very vital to my mission.  Therefore I’m forced to portray the facade of a cute, adorable puppy.  I am really above this ridiculous disguise.  I’ve been trained by the best of the best. I am fluent in 7 languages and have an IQ that would make Mensa members jealous.  But alas, I must adhere to my employer’s wishes.  Clearly I was a great warrior in a past life.  A Viking or Ninja perhaps.  Something with a “the Horrible” or “the great” in the title. But definitely a sex machine.  At times I draw upon these skills to assist in my current assignment.  Whatever the past life I was definitely popular with the ladies.  I prefer to think of myself as a lover, not a fighter.  I can romance the best of them.
Because I detest this life I’m forced to participate in, I find my only happiness is writing this journal.  It allows me to release my inner anger instead of turning against my humans.  My constant companion and sidekick, my brother Daytona is part of the disguise.  He is an idiot.  My humans think he is so smart, but clearly I’m the brains behind the operation.  Though he is an imbecile, I find his presence is comforting at times.  He is amusing and helps take the attention from me.  Alas, I must have some enjoyment in this feeble existence.  
Until later, Kitty, I will endure this savage environment. 

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