Hello. My name is Hank. You may worship my cuteness as you like.
Dear Kitty:
This is my first entry of my imprisonment. I am a multi-faceted special agent, and have
been assigned to this human family. My
goal is to blend in with the norm.
However, each day begins another level of hell. For recording purposes, here is my pertinent
information, should I not survive.
Name: Hank
Age: it’s none of your business.
Aliases (all of which I detest) Hanky, Hanky poop, Puppy,
Ratboy, “Damnit Hank”, “No Hank”, da little Man, Hanky Panky (ok that one is
ok) black yoda (I don’t know what this is, but it brings great amusement to the
female human in my house).
Size: 4.5 10
ok, 12pounds of pure sexy. Once you go
black Chihuahua pup, you never go back baby.
Mission: to protect the suburbia in which I dwell in the
most annoying way to my humans as possible.
All while under the disguise of an enduring Chihuahua and miniature
Doberman puppy mix, I’m really a spy in deep covert enemy territory. I’m not at liberty to reveal my employer, but
my disguise is very vital to my mission.
Therefore I’m forced to portray the facade of a cute, adorable
puppy. I am really above this ridiculous
disguise. I’ve been trained by the best
of the best. I am fluent in 7 languages and have an IQ that would make Mensa
members jealous. But alas, I must adhere
to my employer’s wishes. Clearly I was a
great warrior in a past life. A Viking
or Ninja perhaps. Something with a “the
Horrible” or “the great” in the title. But definitely a sex machine. At times I draw upon these skills to assist
in my current assignment. Whatever the
past life I was definitely popular with the ladies. I prefer to think of myself as a lover, not a
fighter. I can romance the best of them.
Because I detest this life I’m forced to participate in, I
find my only happiness is writing this journal.
It allows me to release my inner anger instead of turning against my
humans. My constant companion and
sidekick, my brother Daytona is part of the disguise. He is an idiot. My humans think he is so smart, but clearly
I’m the brains behind the operation.
Though he is an imbecile, I find his presence is comforting at
times. He is amusing and helps take the
attention from me. Alas, I must have
some enjoyment in this feeble existence.
Until later, Kitty, I will endure this savage environment.
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