Friday, May 9, 2014

It's like the Style Manual for social media....

Maybe it’s because I’ve been ill this week.  I was diagnosed with vertigo.  If you’ve never had vertigo… don’t make the mistake of thinking it sounds fun and kitchy…it’s neither.  It’s kinda like walking through those spinning cylinders at the end of the fun house.  But like all the time.  And without the fun or fried oreos.   And no one, and I mean no one, looks good groping the doorway molding while muttering “make it stop”.   I’m certain if I were in Salem in the late 1600’s, I’d be tested for buoyancy in the river. 
OR Maybe there hasn’t been enough new stories, so the media is scrambling for fodder.

OR Maybe my inner sociopath was kicked into high gear and hateful came out.
OR I’m getting that old lady thing where she says rude things but everyone thinks she’s an adorable hoot because she’s old.  Could be any of these or a host of other reasons, but, everywhere I look, something was irritating.  So I came up with some friendly suggestions – you know, cuz I’m helpful and stuff.  

·         Miley, Justin and Lindsey – Stop talking.  Seriously… Just stop talking. 

·         Monica Lewinsky – Let. It. Go. 

·         All pseudo-stars (you know who you are Snooky)

o   You chose to step into the public eye – you don’t get to be a victim.   

o   Quit acting stupid to get attention (are you listening Miley?). 

o   Just because you are in a magazine or on tv doesn’t make you automatically interesting.

·         If your reality show was canceled …. Back away.  You are done.

Anonymous commenters on every news story that was found (like all three of them): 

·         Yes, you are entitled to your opinion.  But proper grammar and spelling make your argument seem more valid.  Two, to, too!!!!!

Facebook posters:

·         Bill Gates is not going to donate money to charity if you “share” or “like” the post. 

·         Do not post a thousand duck-lipped selfies of you and the gals out on the town, then ask me to pray for you the next day because you are feeling ill.  Things don’t work that way.

·         I don’t care what kind of cloud or perfume or desk lamp you are.  The fact that you relate yourself to these things makes me question the future of our Facebook relationship.

·         When you post your dirty laundry on the internet….everyone can see it, everyone can comment, everyone thinks you are a jerk.

·         Everything you read on the internet is not automatically true.  Except this blog.

·         You are not being endearing, deep, fetch (Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!) or shrewd by posting vague statuses about your life. ie: “Why do bad things happen to me?”  Don’t be offended when I say “Because you are dumb”.

·         Just because you think of something, doesn’t mean you have share it. (note to self – should have thought of that sooner).

·         When you over exaggerate stories like the Sterling racism thing, all you do is breathe life into his notoriety.  He doesn not deserve our acknowledgement or attention.

Well, ok now kids.  That concludes Aunt Mis’ rules to live by.  Yea, I know it went from “suggestions” to “Rules”, but it’s my blog and I can do what I want!  HA!

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